Choosing Each Other Again

There are seasons of ease and struggle in long-term relationships. Dr. Love, Valentina Tudose, says we need to get real about partnerships.

Author/ Valentina Tudose
2 June 2026

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with my former mother-in-law a few years ago. She and her husband had just celebrated their Diamond Wedding anniversary. That is SIXTY years of marriage. When I asked her the secret to their longevity, she smiled and said something that stayed with me ever since:

“We fall out of love about once a year. And then we choose to fall back in.”

She looked away wistfully, stirring her tea. “It’s not that we never get frustrated or disappointed or tired of each other. It’s that we knew a long time ago that leaving isn’t an option. So we have to find our way back.”

The Myth of Happily Ever After

We’re sold a story about love: that it’s a destination. You find “the one,” you commit, and you live happily ever after. The end. This abrupt ending before the real relationship even started, bothered me for a long time.

Really? Just like that, they lived happily ever after… but HOW?

For me, real love isn’t a destination. It’s a daily practice. It’s a series of choices, made again and again, sometimes moment by moment.

The initial falling in love – that dizzying, all-consuming, chemistry-fueled phase – isn’t a promise of forever. It’s an invitation. An invitation to build something that can withstand the inevitable challenges, changes and disappointments that come with sharing a life.

And building that something requires choosing each other. Not just once, at the altar or in the registry office. But repeatedly. Consistently. Even when it’s hard.

When the Choice Feels Heavy

Let’s be honest: there are days when choosing each other doesn’t feel like a joyful decision. It feels like work.

Maybe you’re angry about something they did – or didn’t do. Maybe you’re grieving a loss together and the pain has created distance between you. Maybe life has simply gotten busy, and you’ve been operating more like roommates than partners. Maybe you’re looking at them across the dinner table and wondering if this is really what you want.

These moments don’t mean you’ve failed. They mean you’re human. They mean you’re in a real relationship, not a fairy tale.

The Small Choices That Matter

Choosing each other doesn’t always look dramatic. Often, it’s in the small, quiet moments: Making breakfast the way they like it, even when you’re rushing; asking about their day when you’re exhausted and would rather scroll through your phone; letting go of a minor irritation instead of making it a battle; reaching for their hand when you’re watching TV, even though you haven’t been physically affectionate lately; saying “I’m sorry” first, even when you’re not entirely wrong.

These aren’t grand gestures. They’re tiny acts of commitment. Tiny reminders that you’re still here, still trying, still choosing.

The Ritual of Recommitment

Some couples find it helpful to create intentional rituals of recommitment. Not because they’re on the brink of separation, but because they understand that love needs to be renewed.

In my TEDX talk about the meaning of unconditional love, I talked about my own moments when choosing each other again was hard. Betrayal, disease, anger got in the way but just like my parents- in-law, we didn’t see separation as an option. We built rituals that reconnected us: showering together every morning; daily walks; date nights.

For you, it might be an annual tradition: a special dinner on your anniversary where you reflect on the year and restate your commitment. It might be a monthly check-in or keeping a relationship journal that leads to a weekly conversation where you ask each other: “How are we doing? What do you need from me? What can I do better?”

It might be as simple as a daily appreciation practice – sharing three things you appreciate about each other before bed, no matter how difficult the day has been.

The form doesn’t matter. The intention does.

Choosing Each Other—Again

Every long-term relationship has seasons. There are seasons of ease and seasons of struggle. Seasons of deep connection and seasons of distance. Seasons where choosing each other feels effortless, and seasons where it requires everything you have.

The couples who make it aren’t the ones who never face challenges. They’re the ones who keep choosing each other through the challenges.

They understand that love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a decision. A decision to show up. To stay curious about each other. To forgive. To grow together instead of apart.

They fall out of love sometimes. And then they choose to fall back in because the most powerful thing you can say to someone isn’t “I love you.” It’s “I choose you.” Today. Again. Despite everything. Still.

About the Author

Valentina Tudose

Valentina Tudose is the founder of Happy Ever After, which specializes in Relationship Coaching and Clinical Hypnotherapy. She is a qualified Singles and Couples Coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute of San Jose, California. She has additional certifications as a Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner.

www.happyeverafter.asia.