Recovering After Heartbreak
Our Dr. Love, Valentina Tudose, shares how to recover after heartbreak.
- Author/ Valentina Tudose
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Breakups are one of the most challenging experiences we have to overcome and in Hong Kong they can be positively brutal.
The number one rule, if you’re looking for a fast recovery, is cutting all ties and entering a full no-contact period, so that you can let the emotional wounds heal.
You see, a breakup is really like a deep cut. If you keep scratching it, it will bleed and this will delay the healing, not to mention the potential for infection.
But in Hong Kong, healing is easier said than done. Given the size of the SAR, you’re more than likely to bump into your ex walking around Times Square, grabbing your morning latte from your local Starbucks, or, worse, at the networking event of a group you joined precisely to meet new people… The city’s density might make ‘no contact’ feel impossible, however, help is at hand.
Three steps to kickstart your return to happiness
1. The 'No Contact' Workaround
Change Your Routine: Shop at a different supermarket or simply order online; discover a new hiking trail; switch the coffee for Bubble tea, so you don’t have to keep going to the same place (and less caffeine will be good for your separation anxiety, anyway).
Mute Everything: IG, WhatsApp status, even Spotify playlists you once shared. Archive all photos you have of them, if you can’t bring yourself to delete them (yet!). The less you expose yourself to the temptation to stalk or unexpected ‘blasts from the past’ on your phone, the faster you will heal.
2. Rebuild Self-Worth
Breakups are hard because not only do you have to let go of a person you may have thought was ‘The One’, you must also let go of the person you were with them. This second separation is harder, and it takes a while to figure out how to reclaim your identity and reinvent yourself.
Ask yourself: ‘What did I stop doing in and for the relationship? (Mandarin lessons? Bachata classes?) Start again!
Write a letter to the ‘Future You’: ‘Dear me, You won’t believe who you’ve become and all the lessons you’ve learned…’
You can also write a letter to your ex, thanking them for all they taught you. This will help you reframe the experience of being with them in your mind and find closure, regardless of how things ended.
3. Next!
Relationships are wonderful people-growing machines, and endings also have a way of bringing about new beginnings. It is easy to fall into the trap of a rebound relationship, finding someone who feels like a band-aid to the pain of rejection and abandonment. But this will only delay your growth.
Instead, spend some time alone, reflecting on the lessons the breakup has taught you:
Did you ignore red flags or settle for breadcrumbs? What’s the biggest gift the experience gave you?
When the lesson is learned, the pain fades away, so make sure that you don’t skip this phase!
Try This Hack: Volunteer at the Paws United charity (or somewhere similar). Puppies love you unconditionally and they don’t tolerate pity parties.
If you are still stuck replaying the past, check out my free Breakup Recovery Meditation, which helps you release pain and speed up the healing process.
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About the Author
Valentina Tudose
Valentina Tudose is the founder of Happy Ever After, which specializes in Relationship Coaching and Clinical Hypnotherapy. She is a qualified Singles and Couples Coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute of San Jose, California. She has additional certifications as a Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner.
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